In Search of Love

Perplexed by the illusion of life, I contemplate over this word “Love” every time. Why is it that we yearn for it so much? Why aren’t we contented yet? Why was Christina so unsure of it when she leaves Juan Antonio in “Vicki Christina Barcelona”? Even the most extreme philosopher who was against morality and compassion, who’s philosophy was manipulated by Nazis, who also went mad after hugging and crying for a horse being whipped wrote “Love is not the consolation, it is Light”. What was even Friedrich Nietzsche thinking about when he wrote this down? Did he speculate Love is the only reason for the earth to revolve as Dante said, “Divinity is Love, that moves the sun and the other stars”?

I find myself a very contradictory person like Nietzsche when I have a strong adulation to the word “Soul” in poetry and a tangential to reality, when I think pragmatically. Oh boy, still the word lingers like the taste of the best baklava I had with all its richness of dry fruits and the syrupy sweetness. If you really think soul needs love, it needs to be confounded for sure. Our heart needs maybe or best to stay it should be filled with love, since JK used to say, “Love is the state of being, a verb”.

In the book “Eat, Pray, Love” the old guy Ketut tells Liz to “See world through the heart” How many of us are daring to do despite being chagrined by people or situation? If you want to understand others, listen them attentively. If you want to understand yourself, allow yourself to love them. Whatever we plan to do, atleast lets try keeping mind empty and heart full.

Where the night belongs to tears and loneliness in many of us, a fierce and bold young woman went in pursuit of love. I would say she experimented around it, subtle to say not to think too much on fidelity and loyalty here. Because she is not a mortal for her readers like me. She moves around in her stories with grace and poise. She is Kamala Das, a legendary archetype for feminism and female sexuality. In her short story collection, “Padmavati the harlot & the other stories”, her women including the small child prostitute Rukmani are deprived and famished of care and love.

Especially the stories “The Sea Lounge”, “That woman” and “A doll for the Child prostitute” caught my attention with the powerful personality of women. I will tell you why I adore them.

“That Woman” is about how the blood relations of a father simply thinks about his property, whereas the young woman he was with, left his family for her, simply leaves the house, pronouncing there is nothing of her remains after his death. Even though the relationship is strange and weird (as per normal standards), they, especially the girl simply owes him affection and respect alone.

“The Sea Lounge” is a story of a beautiful woman draped in her cerulean blue silk saree with a glass of gimlet and how she accepts the decision sophisticatedly even when lover dumps her. How Kamala Das women takes life into their own hands, live it in their own style, only to make their man think the “beauty of his life going away with her” is a perfect example of how one should love themselves and go on with the life.

“A doll for the Child prostitute” is a sad story of few different characters weaved into a single fabric so artistically. How could I draw the power of extreme diagonal lines between the 12year old Rukmani, who turns the inspector who comes to rape into loving her as a daughter and the girl Saraswathi who becomes devoid of emotions and most professional untethering from the nature of a woman?

Are women only become free when they are impassive? or Do we really need love and care? Adele sings “have I ever asked for much? The only thing that I want is your love” in “water under the bridge”. We all are her, asking someone to just love us a little. Do we need to be embraced, hold, and kissed? Do we need a sprinkle of affection just because we are social beings or a woman? Why are we so emotional? What did go inside the brain of Sylvia Plath or Virginia Woolf or Anne Sexton before they decide to end their lives? Did they lack something being great minds and gave up concluding no one will understand them? All I have are questions in me, waiting like the lark to sing when everything is dawned. Until then I am still in search of love.

On a lighter vein, everyone broods over this one “What women want?”. A million-dollar question in the eternal face of world since evolution of mankind began. Am supposing even men cannot give a straight answer to it. Only kids can give an immediate response in milliseconds of what they want – be it a chocolate ice cream or YouTube premium payment, so that she could watch peppapig without advertisements. Oh dear …