Parotta Ultimatum

Some call it hankering, for some it is an addiction, but I call it a mystical experience when you devour our megastar/hero of food – the “Parotta”. Nay, a perfect accent is indispensable for the love of it. Call it Poratta, with high emphasis on your ‘r’! It’s a matter of Life-and-Death for the patrons of (South)Tamilnadu. No weekends passes off simply without poratta and its diva “Salna”. My husband insists never to buy Poratta on Saturdays, because it’s the day the labourers get their hard-earned money and the masters of Doom lace our Diva to “Aqua Salna”.

One of my North Indian Friend confused it with his Paranthas and our Poratta stuck in his gullet. Oh Poor Chap! Had he known the meticulous way of eating it, he would have won Suri. A neighbor of us walked 10kms a day to lose weight on a strict diet for 20 days devoid of food, except the dinner is always a titbit of our hero. Ooh-la-la, she lost 10kgs! Only to spend 10000 bucks to blood and glucose transfusion. Had she eaten Poratta in her 3 square meals, she would have fulfilled her chimera! My niece from her childhood age ate poratta 4 times a week, only to end with a Gastroenterologist who shocked her with weak stomach enzymes. But Hey! She changed her diet to eat twice a week.

This is where it started for me. This is where it ends.

The magnitude of this godsend food invariably fills the dining leaf of every marriage or any functions to name it. All of my pure vegetarian aunties are ardent consumers now. It replaced our famous milk rice and chilli pickle, besides who needs such bland food when our piquant dish ignites the Cardiovascular, Endocrine system and palate of course instantly.

Okay, a simple googling disclosed there are 8 types of Poratta – Roti Canai, Poricha(Fried), Coin, Malabar, Veechu, Ceylon, Madurai and Bun Poratta. Each having their own size, shape and layers, of poricha poratta being the top in the list. The Cream of Crop is just being made of Maida. Oh don’t go berserk, it’s just bleached with Benzoyl peroxide to bleach stomach and pancreas, See a free coupon for Self-annihilation!

Coming to our Epic, Making a dough and the final product requires a monumental set of skills, like Bourne. The Poratta Master (I mean Bourne) makes dough which is oiled, folded and fanned like the famous White dress of Marlin Manroe. He is no less of Bourne in thwacking, jabbing and shredding into pieces. A typical Sivakasian might nudge you for unknowing the details of morning served Poratta in Deluxe Hotel, where the butler is a very compassionate person that he pulverizes poratta and macerate into salna with his bare hands. Well who knows, the benign butler might be feeding our patrons too, because why not?

The culprits who impede this proliferation of sublime food are doctors, especially Dr.K.Sivaraman. Err… What does the old man know? He says alloxan in Maida causes Diabetes, BP, Cardiac Problems, Cancer and eventually death. Blah, Blah, Blah, same old already told, we poratta aficionado never heed to any of his protests. Whilst Poratta is looking down at us condescendingly to provide an Ultimatum!